Vulnerability

More and more I'm thinking about vulnerability, and how much I strive for other people's acceptance and approval. The right words from someone--even a stranger--can be balsam, while indifference is sometimes worse than censure. I constantly feel like I'm putting myself out there to people, but when I step back from the magnifying glass, I realize I'm just hypersensitive from the vulnerability. What I'm saying is a carefully chosen revelation of my true self, but for most people it just blends into the cacophony of background noise, and the revelation goes pretty much unrecognized. I guess I've never been one of those people with a talent for saying exactly the right thing at the right time. I can only filter experiences through my own psyche and try to throw something out there someone, somewhere, might be able to relate to.

When I think about the times I'm most happy, it's when I feel a true connection with someone, can see into their life and glimpse their crazy and it's beautiful, not creepy. (These times are few and far between). But, most of the time, I can't figure out whether everyone else is just oblivious to what's going on in my head, or if I'm just the worst in the world at concealing my crazy.