My Personal Catwalk

My office is a small but long room with one large window at the end, and is mostly taken up by cubicles with a narrow walkway. Sometimes when I'm leaving for lunch, I take advantage of the long aisle to practice my strut.

I throw my purse over my shoulder, put on my best haughty smirk, stare straight ahead, and pretend I'm on the catwalk. Usually I do it just to break some of the tension in the room that comes with a tiny room full of journalists and make my co-workers smile. The strange thing is, they rarely ever notice.

I'm starting to wonder if they think I really walk that way. I mean I seriously throw my shoulders back, do a complete cross-step, and swing my arms. Maybe if I were taller.

I would say 80% of my insecurity comes from being short somehow. I just feel if I were just 4 or 5 inches taller, people would take me much more seriously. And I wouldn't have to get my jeans hemmed. Sigh.

I have a secret dream: to be an extrovert.
Though I've been told I'm loud, outgoing, not afraid of speaking in front of people, and love spontaneously hanging out with friends any night of the week, I have a dark secret.
At the end of the night, I come home--exhausted as if from a day at work--collapse on the couch or bed and can barely even simple venture conversation with my own husband.

Uh-oh, that's right, you guessed it: I'm an introvert.

I'm actually a borderline introvert/extrovert according to the Myers-Briggs, alternating between INFP and ENFP (sidebar: what are you? I'd be fascinated to find out).

Despite my best attempts to be a social butterfly--and that I've fought labels ever since college--the fact that I've been out 6 nights out of 7 and spent the entire weekend w/friends and now feel like I'm recovering from stomach flu rather than a wedding/shower/boat trip makes me feel unapologetic malaise.

But, I like to remember how Christ left his friends to spend time alone at Gesthemane. Then it makes me feel like maybe I'm not completely alone in my divided desire for both fellowship and alone time.

The Internet has forever altered what it means to be introverted.
Aren't blogs great?